Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Rain down on me..

I sense this to be a long and emotionally fueled post; and so come hither and listen to what the Ozmonsta has seen and gathered over the past few days...

After my last post..its easy to say much has been on the mind. Initially, I could'nt help but notice all the furore caused by the Danish cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). I declined to comment or post anything on the issue, for I felt that anything worth saying might already have been said, and ...well, just felt no use in prescribed to any idea of thought, and much more so, dignifying the acts (be they the cartoons themselves, or the actions that have been carried out in retaliation), with a response. But then...I came across a plethora of ideas and different responses....but..more so than anything, the ideal which supressed my need to remain silent whilst all around me was losing its mind, was the representation of Muslims across the globe this week.

Be they in so-called retaliation to the cartoons, or just general. Whilst doing some work this week (for once), I stopped and looked at the world around me (with the help of google news...though you can imagine the slow motion serious look with camera rolling around me...if you want)...and well...had I not had my rough, rugged, manly exterior..well..I just wanted to crouch down and cry at what the world, and more so, muslim and muslim representation has come to. From the Good the Bad and the plain old Fugly.

It was such a shame to see Islams message of peace massacred in this way, by small, narrow minded bigots, wearing fake suicide bomb jackets, or preaching hate and death. I was so proud to read about the Malaysian response to the cartoons; Education. Let us educate the world, form a conference, debate, and gain power through discussion, power of mind, to halter such unspeakable images being shown again.It is not a case of...freedom of speech, but I feel, much more so sensativity to the multicultural society in which we live. My initial response to the cartoons, was just the dim and somewhat arguably cynical view that these cartoons may have just created a 100 or more so "terrorists".

I was just so...upset to read of how Islam was being represented, in this country, though Abu Hamza, and Omar Khayyam, but so much more so glad to read of the Malaysian response. If only the Arab world would wake up and smell the halal beef *sigh*. The days of 'through any means neccesary', are sadly long gone. Discussion, Debate, and educational understanding are for me the only means forward (even though I am a self prescribed follower or Malcolm X as opposed to Martin Luther King).

At the end, I was just thankful for the Malaysian Muslim response, helping keep faith that there IS in fact another way to deal with such issues, as opposed to death (two or more killed in Afghanistan) anger and age old act of setting flags and embassies alight. I pray and hope that one day, sometime soon, Arab Muslims will lessen their arrogance of the beautiful religion borne into their region, and work together with Muslims worldwide, forming a united stand against extremism in any shape or form, be it from our own, or against us.What a funny world we live in.

-And now for something completly off topic....
Things to do before I die

*spend a summer/year working/studying in Spain.

*Spend a summer/few months building homes and development in Africa.


*Build a mosque back home dedicated to the memory of my father and brother.

*Go Hajj (I had a dream this week that I was in Mecca, taking my mahmah).

Adding to that flurry of excitement of what I might hope to want to achieve, I found the following surge of energy to my mind viable enough to add to this post.....

Places I want to visit

China - Great Wall of China

Spain - spend a summer/year travellign around Barcelona, Madrid, Seville, Al Hambra, San Sebsastian

Puerto Rico

Dominican Republic




American Road Trip (hopefully this summer *fingers crossed*)


Midweek I met up with a few friends, and the afternoon turned into night, and well..it all pretty much descended into anarchy...through means of playing Truth or Phone. For any of you not aware of the rules of the game, they are as follows;

*Pretty much the same as Truth or Dare, but you put a mobile phone between you all, and well..you spin it.

*Whoever it lands on is given an option of, yes, you guessed it, a Truth question, or well, Phone.

*Phone means the group selecting someon from the persons phone book, and that person must call them, and initiate a random conversation, not mentioning the game at all.If they dont pick up, they must leave a voicemail.

*You can only choose Truth 3 times in a row.

Now if your thinking ok, well, so far so good..well...just think of the number of people you meet, people whose numbers you take, yet never call.Or the countless amount of people you may have known in a different time of your life, but for some reason theyr name and number still rests very nicely in your phone book.Needless to say, its always much more interesting to play with close friends, who know when your lying to the rest of the group about your Truth questions, and know precisly who to make you call (ex girlfriends, friends you no longer speak to, girls you like etc).

Anyhoo...This game proceeded for a good 3 or so hours, taking in many...MANY embaressing phone calls....yet...the reason I bring it up..is more so ...for the feelings it bought up. Needless to say, I chose truth on many occasions; I didnt care for sharing truths, coupled with the fantastically horrible habit I have (I find it unbelievably difficult to keep in contact with anyone) so for me to make calls to people on my phone, who I'd lost contact with, was..well much worse than opening up.

Yet..opening up, does indeed have its drawbacks...Not so much worrying about what the others may think of you...I didnt really have a problem with that; the people that know me, know me well..and thats all I pretty much could care for...but..moreso the problem was..well..myself. I found that opening up not only bought back much buried memories...but..more so demons I thought I had hidden far deep inside me.

It strange to look at yourself as someone who would...cause pain to someone else...to..be an animal of hate, devoid of emotion. The age old request comes to mind; if only we could view ourselves as others do...funnily enough, after that night, I ..quite honestly didnt want to. Many thoughts and memories came back from a former life, a life I lead not so long ago. Once again, quoting my last post, it is indeed a strange thing to look at yourself from an outsideperspective, truly realising how much you have changed, and moved on..the steps you may have taken forward..or back..the different crowds you mix with..the people you used to know..so well. The peopke who were then you life, and now..just a number on a phone.

Do all these things make you a differernt person? Eitherway...that night merely reinforced in my mind, a belief I once held, and still do hold; that in some cases, ignorance is bliss...just..living the lie..leaving the past in the past...and try not to think of all the pain and sorrow you caused to yourself, and to others.

By the end of the night, I was pretty stunned...felt like calling up all those that I had mistreated and apologising...thankfully, I put the phone down, and watched Family Guy to cheer me up.I owe you one Seth.

Hmm...Muse - Blackout, just came on Random shuffle...haha, how appropriate;

don't grow up too fast
and don't embrace the past
this life's too good to last
and i'm too young to care

don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself
this life could be the last
and we're too young to see

Dont get me wrong, it is without a doubt a most excellent game to play.Just be wary of the journey back home; left to your thoughts. Finding out things about yourself that you thought you had forgotten, or buried deep inside, can be rather daunting.What a funny world we live in.

In somehow strange circumstances, I came across this article the following day.Indeed, can Relationships survive infidelity? It was the basis for the subject of my final year Psychology Coursework at School...well...glad to say, my theory's were proved right..well..according to that article anyway. It seems it all comes down to the individual, and their means of decoding the term of infidelity.

The definition seems to differ across gender, and age. Personally, I think living with infidelity..is..just the begining of the end.If your partner doesnt know about it, it eats up away at you, until you break down and tell them, or alternatively leave them, as a result of your guilt, you find a way to somehow blame them.If they do know, then..the issue of trust must be tackled countless times after that, and well...relationships that do make it, might jsut probably go on to lead solid and happy futures...notice emphasis on 'those that do make it'.

Infidelity is such a sore issue to discuss..most of us have either been a victim or a perpetrator...though, inevitably, it is a learning experience.Whether it teaches trust, or judgement character, there is (although not noticing it initially) a lesson to learn..mistakes will be made..that is unquestionable..but..well...just because you may have been hurt in love before, is no reason not to learn to love again. What a funny world we live in.


On my way back on Thursday night, whilst waiting for the train at King Cross, I look down the platform..and for once..empty. Im happy, bobbing along to my iPod (therefore iAm), paying no heed to the lonely platform.I look to my right, and there is a guy, standing right beside me.Now at this point, I have a rather inquistive look on my face (Manmonsta,you know the one).Of the whole area encompassing the platform, this dude decides to stand right beside me.

I have no problem with this.I continue effectively bobbing along to my iPod (therefore iAm). A minute later, I can sort of instinctivly feel some sort of action next to me.I look to my right, and whats he gone and done? Mr Theres-no-space-on-the-whole-platform-so-Im-going-to-stand-next-to-ozmonsta, has just gone and whipped out his todger, and urinating all over the platform, the rails, and well the underground walls.Just..generally...pissing away, carelessly.

The peculiar thing was, he honestly did not look drunk.And more funnily enough, I ..wasnt really suprised; to myself I just thought, aaah well...it IS London.Although in all my 19 years of living here, never once have I seen someone take a leak on the underground..I was just..well..oh well, hope he doesnt spill any on me, and took a step to the left.In a way, I envied his freedom.To just have the courage to do what you want to do..there and then.It is invariably selfish..but the freedom of it all was inspiring. What a funny world we live in.

-Requiem For A Dream

I was watching this weeks episode of Scrubs, when JD turns and says "I guess its human nature to worry about our future, especially when we think our dreams might not come true". I find it really weird how sometimes you honestly feel like the entire world seems to move around you.As if it somewhat tilts on its axis to suit your needs, how everything seems to somehow fit together, how sometimes things that play on your mind, you can see them everywhere you go.

This week has been rather troubling in terms of future.You might think its unsuprising that I say that.The OzMonsta is first and foremost a worrysome creature.But this week has been plaguing more than most.The feeling of things comming to an end is somehow upon me.My educational life is ending within the next three months, and decisions must be made.

Decisions must be made.The OzMonsta is'nt good at making decisions.Instead he anxiously worries.Worries about what the future might hold, instead of living today as it comes. Things seem to have come to a point this week, when considering which path ones life will take. Almost all my life, I've had this firm belief that I could, should I want, to be anything I want to be.To do anything I want to do.That belief of open endedness is sometimes a very healthy one.It leaves no barriers, it opens you up to the world..but..It also develops indecisivness.This week decisions had to be made..and...it somehow felt as if many dreams and aspirations were comming to an end also.

You tell yourself there are things you will do..things you will say....a being that you will become.You see yourself as something your not.And then it all collapses, and all your left with is empty thoughts. What a funny world we live in.

This post was bought to you with the help of Bob Marley - Jammin', and the colour Hazel..ish.
Felt the need to bring about a track that will much neededly bring us all together...in Bob's words, I hope you like Jammin' too. *shy face*

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
-Nelson Mandela

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